Fight at the Funeral Home

by Kim
(Illinois)

My uncle Stan passed away a few years ago. My father had passed when I was young, & Stan didn't have any children, so Uncle Stan was like a father figure to me. Stan was 95 when he died, had worked hard his whole life, and did not have much except a few mementos from his life including a painting that he treasured. After he got really sick, he gave me his mementos and the painting. Everything else he left to my cousin Mark.

Our family is pretty spread out, and because of a snowstorm, only a few of my relatives attended; the closest being my cousin Mark, his wife & their little kids. So his family stayed at Stan's apartment & I rented a hotel. Mark & I have never gotten along, but during the wake there was only a little tension.

The funeral home was pretty stark, so for the wake, I brought a cd player to play his favorite music, and I put his mementos around the casket. I hung the painting on the wall behind the casket. I thought Uncle Stan would approve!

The next day was the funeral, which was held in the same room at the funeral home. After the service I asked to be left alone, and I said my goodbyes. I then had my husband put the mementos in my car, and got into the hearse which was on the other side of the building from my car. We all went to the cemetery after the service, but I went back to the funeral home with the hearse to tie up any loose ends. Mark walked in five minutes after I did. He asked where the mementos & the painting were. I told him in my car. He told the funeral home director to call the police because I stole them! The director said I walked in with them-I could leave with them. And that he was not getting involved. Then Mark starting yelling at me & calling me names & tried to swing at me! I'm 100 pounds & he's about 350! So his wife grabbed his arm & told him to calm down, & he tried (I'm sure not too hard) to break free so he could beat me up! I started to freak out-my husband just stood there-then I just started laughing! Then Mark got REALLY mad, and everyone else started freaking out! The funeral director called the police, and then Mark said he was going to kill me, so then my husband started yelling at him, so they finally left. After we told the police what happened, we went to the restaurant & Mark was not there. The police had already been there & arrested Mark for disorderly conduct! So everyone was talking about it & my husband told the story of how Mark tried to beat me up at the funeral home! So everyone had a good laugh-Mark was not well liked by anyone there-and then someone else asked where were the mementos. I told him in my car. He said that Mark was going to sell him the painting, and since I was the owner, he would make the same offer to me. I told him of course not-I loved the painting almost as much as Stan.

A few days later when I hung it up in my house, I decided to look up the painter on the internet. Turns out it is a very good fake of a not so famous artist. The original is worth about $75,000! My copy is worth about $100 because it is in a nice frame. And I found out that Mark thought it was real, and that is why he rushed back to the funeral home-he was going to steal it, then sell it to the other guy who also thought it was real!

I still have Uncle Stan's painting. And instead of being sad when I look at it, I think of the funeral, and I just laugh!